Jimmy Mac wants to start a motocross company that sells inspirational motocross posters, T-shirts with ironic quotations and gift cards with witty
statements on them. He asked me to write down a few
things he could use for free, which is exactly how he
feels about my tear-offs, chain lube and race gas. Here’s
what I sent him.
• You aren’t judged by your victory as much as who
• My idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in one
hand and a milk shake in the other.
• The only tattoo a motocrosser needs is his name
tattooed on his back so that when the ambulance guys
roll him over they don’t have to ask who he is.
• Being married extends a man’s life by 10 years—and
it shortens his racing career by about the same amount.
• I thought I was a skilled racer until I saw a woman
on the freeway drinking a latte, talking on a cell phone
and beating two kids in the back seat while doing 70
mph. That’s talent.
• The first thing that my dad taught me about
motorcycles was how to wash one.
• Win the race by going as slowly as possible.
• It’s lonely at the top when there is no one below
• Racers love to “think outside the box,” but that only
counts if you have a track record of thinking in it.
• I would have sold my soul to the devil to be a
motocross star, but by the time I got in line, he was
• Taking a dirty bike to a mechanic is like eating peanut brittle before visiting the dentist.
• What is so great about being
the best if it brings out the worst
• I may be slow, but my lap
times don’t fall off late in the
• The only difference
between winners and losers
is the number of gaudy pieces of gold-flaked plastic
gathering dust in their garage.
• Motocross is an excellent way to convert money
• To err is human, but to really foul things up you
need two friends helping you.
• You can’t tell a “good sport” until you see him lose.
• The dry weight of a new motorcycle would only
be pertinent if you were going to enter it in a soapbox
• Wouldn’t a pair of forks have four legs?
• The ambulance guy shouldn’t be the first one to tell
you that the double was undoable.
• There’s nothing magical about being a motorcycle
racer. There is also nothing magical about being a brain
surgeon, but there aren’t any 125 Novice brain surgeons.
• Most training programs begin next Monday.
• All men are created equal—until the gate drops.
• Don’t feel inadequate in the company of factory
riders. Just imagine them trying to do the multiplication
• Opportunity doesn’t knock. Pistons knock. Don’t
confuse the two.
• Motocross is a sport where the riders spend all
morning trying to kill each other, all afternoon denying
it and all night bragging about it.
• I hate dirty riders more than the guys who complain
about the way I ride.
• A 34 waist is the ultimate size. The young are
headed for it, and the old dream of it.
• The best reason to keep all of your trophies is so
your kids will have something to remember you by
when they drive to the dump.
• I don’t wear a jersey with my name on the back for
the same reason that a bank robber doesn’t.
• Motocross is a sport where small bands of men
meet on remote fields to engage in an activity that has
no social significance, that only a handful of
people on the planet have ever heard of, in
front of a smattering of spectators who
aren’t really watching. It is the total
meaninglessness of motocross that
makes it so much fun!
By Jody Weisel