By Jody Weisel
As a helpful fan of the AMA, I’d like to offer 10 AMA rule changes that I think need to be implemented immediately. I’m sure my buddies
at the AMA will get right on it.
(1) The AMA reserves the right to change, alter or
revise any rule at any time—even if they changed,
revised and altered that same rule last week. Actually,
this idea doesn’t make much sense, since the AMA
doesn’t enforce any of its rules without first consulting
( 2) Family spectator sections don’t work. Having an
alcohol-free zone makes it seem like 90 percent of the
spectators are drunk when we all know it’s only 78
percent. Instead, one spectator section of every racetrack
should be reserved for the alcohol-soaked crowd. Jack
Daniels or Budweiser would kill to sponsor it. To
encourage the drunken fans to sit in this section, it will
be mandatory that the drunk-section fans be allowed to
throw bottles at the riders they don’t like.
( 3) Let’s drop the production rule. Why? It only keeps
the privateers on production bikes. It hasn’t stopped
the factory teams from using one-off gearboxes, creative
valve angles, non-production heads and different frame
geometries. In fact, let’s drop the 450cc displacement
limit, the weight limit, the 16-year-old minimum age rule
and the drug policy—those things are holding us back.
What this sport needs is a hopped-up, 15-year-old, high
school dropout on a 180-pound CRF690.
( 4) If a rider shows up on the podium holding an
energy drink can, it has to contain the actual energy
drink (instead of water). And, he must take a big gulp
before being allowed to thrust it into the camera shot.
( 5) It’s obvious that the goofy yellow track markers
don’t keep the riders on the track, so the AMA should
award the rider who hits the most yellow markers one
bonus AMA point (two if he has any of them stuck in
( 6) Any spectator who has been involved in a drunken
brawl with Jason Lawrence, gotten punched by Tyler
Bowers, had Chad Reed tweet angrily about him or been
talked into doing a backflip by Josh Hill will be declared
the grand marshal of the next event. His official duty will
be to hold up enough fingers so that the leather-clad girl
won’t drop the 30-second board in four seconds.
( 7) Since Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey
are the owners of the Supercross series, at least one
starting spot in every main event should be reserved for
any chimp, ape, baboon or simian who can ride a bike.
This is called “cross promotion.”
( 8) Outdoor tracks should be shortened to one-minute
lap times and Supercross to 15 seconds. That way, the
sponsors who spend cold hard cash buying repeater
banner advertising will get seen more often. That’s called
“lining your pockets.”
( 9) Any rider required to wear a court-ordered
electronic ankle bracelet will be seeded directly into
the main event. If it’s for a felony, he should be allowed
to start in front of the gate.
(10) Once during every race, the fans should be
allowed to vote on when to throw a full-course yellow
flag. It will be the motocross version of NASCAR’s
“debris on the track” flag. That way, if someone the fans
don’t like is winning, they can reset the field and start
over. This is only being done for the good of the sport
and is in no way singling out James Stewart. ❏